Jan 27

My aunt from NY is back. I like her. She's so carefree and open minded, relaxed. American style I guess. 

It's in my bucketlist to visit her in the states and lodge with her for a couple of weeks, maybe months. I think we'd have lots of fun, plus I haven't seen my cuzzie for ages, hope we still get along when we meet.

I've been having a lot of dinners these few days because everyone's bringing her out to eat. "What can I tell you? Life's good." that's what she said. Life is indeed good, with food.

...

Chinese New Year is just around the corner. I'm really happy because there's a lot of good food, the atmosphere is super nice during cny, no kidding. There's a lot of parties to attend, and overall it really feels like a "new" year rather than the literal 1st January new year. 

I'm still wishing for a great year. It doesn't have to be with a lot of surprises, I just wish it'll be a smooth and healthy year. I hope I wont be too stressed out by the exams and all that. I wish for a happy and healthy year. 

Love, C. 

Jan 25

They say that time flies, but you keep breaking its wings. - Tablo

Tablo, he majored in English Literature and Creative Writing. He's a genius, his works are art, I respect him. 

My brother is doing science stuff, they ask me what do I wanna do in the near future. They expect me to go science too, truth is, I don't want to.

Science, is interesting, of course but it's not my cup of tea. I told them, Sec 5 will be the last year I study science. It's too hard to cope with, let alone something I'm not interested in. 

No science, no finance, no accounting, no law, then what? 

I want a job that allows me to express myself. 

I'm laying down choices, but I'm not sure what to choose.

Mass Communication, Journalism, or most unlikely will be Creative Writing. They all fall under the same group, but I have to specify one anyway.

I used to think that writing is for nerds, well maybe I'm a nerd, but it doesn't matter.

An emcee, radio host, television presenter, journalist, play director, etc. They say jobs in this line are hard to find, I am aware of this, I don't know if I'll find a job but I'm going to try anyway.

I actually wanted to major in music, but it's hard to survive in that industry, there's too many people and too little success. Plus, I know i'm not capable, i'll become an incompetent girl if I take that path. 

To be honest, who doesn't want money right? Who doesn't want to shop without having to look at the price tags. I want to make a lot while at the same time doing what I love. I don't know if that's possible.

Who knows? I might change my mind. 

Negativity

或许只有你懂得我，所以你没逃脱 - Yoga Lin


I have a very naive approach on a certain topic because it rarely happens to me. I still believe what they say even though i'm shaking my head saying that it's impossible.

It gets my hopes up high.

Then down the drain they go. No no, no mercy.

I need to be more pragmatic, need to keep my eyes open. It's not like it's the first time anyway.

Am I cold? I don't think so. I'm not.

I'm an introvert, totally an introvert.

To strangers and even friends, I don't know what to say or how to act around them. Friends, as in the not-so-close ones.

I tend to be a shadow, beside my peers, laughing when they laugh, or just picking up where they left off.

I guess that's why I'm so "unapproachable". Since that's what they say.

xxx

Don't expect people to fit into your shoes, they can't, because it doesn't fit them, even if they wanted to. 

True. So true.

The irony of how people dig up your secrets, intentionally or unintentionally, when you're down. You find yourself telling them anyway, since they sound comforting. Honestly, they don't care more than that. They just wanna know, that's all.

I'm such a pessimist.

xxx

Oh oh yeah, people don't play with feelings, you're just...overthinking.

He told me that it's true, I told him a thousand excuses not to believe. 

Jan 10

Hearing strange noises coming from below and I'm thinking "That's nothing." but then I realised I'm home alone. *facepalm*

Nope. No thanks to a horror-scene-come-to-live.

Thanks to Urban Dictionary, made my day. I won't mind if it's mars away from reality. A little self-comfort never killed no one, last time I checked.

And no again, I'm not a narcissist. Well maybe just tad bit of a vain personality. ;)

Hour glass frame you say? *checks mirror* Oh how I rued almost instantaneously.

Blue eyes, I would kill to have it. Then again it probably wouldn't suit me. It's okay for a little split-second fantasy.

So anyway, last year of high school seems vague? I have this indefinite notion and half of me seems thrilled but the other has a heavy heart.

On the contrary, last year of high school = senior year. All there's left to deal with now are the classes on the same floor. Juniors ain't got nothing on me.

Still I wonder how will I do once I get out. We all have dreams to chase, but some run faster than others.

Well I was told to go with the flow, cuz the flow keeps flowing. *lame pun*

Let's just say that I'll make the best out of the year. Wishing for the goody goody days to come.

Fingers crossed, C.

               

Jan 08

I feel so choked up. It's like everything is coming at me, one at a time, it never stops. I need a break, really. I need just one day of peaceful living but everything just rains on me like I haven't had my share of bad days.

Inside and outside the house, nothing is really helping at all. I'm stripped off my shelter and now what?

Sometimes all your heart feels is hate, and you know well that you can choose your own feelings but still you hate, because your heart thirsts for it and it satisfies your anger.

I don't have everything, and I know sometimes, or maybe most of the time, I'm a little spoilt and selfish. I want everything, without giving anything. In spite of that, I want the simple things, and I'm content with what I am given. But now, I desperately need some peace, I am fine with what I have but please don't take anything away from me.

I don't have any personal space left. How can I live in a house when it feels more like I'm the tenant and the tenants are the ones who actually live here.

I'm fine with guests, so fine that you can stay here for a year for all I care, but I need my own space. I have a box, and you have a box, and it's not my fault that your box isn't big enough to fit you but why do you have to take my box?

I know it's not my house, literally, since I live with my family. I won't ask for more than a little privacy. Maybe not a little, I actually need a lot. I don't wanna step into your life, and you don't have the need to step into mine, so please don't pollute my haven. I don't want to even catch a whiff of a stranger's scent in my box.

The residues of 2014 just keeps on coming, I've had enough, please just stop.

I need a chill pill.

Jan 05

This.

#np: January's Playlist

It's January! Month of new beginnings and it's time to change the playlist again.

Rollercoaster - David Choi

Night Changes - One Direction

Ship and the Globe - Kae Sun

Hero - Family of the Year

Firestone - Kygo ft Conrad

X - Chris Brown

Carry Me Home - The Ready Set

First Things First - Neon Trees

Love ,C

2015

I wrote a post at the beginning of 2014 and I wrote "I'm just glad I have to go through crap again. I'm so so glad. ;)"

Well, I have a question for myself.

"Had enough crap for one year?"

I don't mean that 2014 was really crappy, it was quite an eventful year, met a lot of new people, had new experiences too but I had my fair share of crappy days. Especially conflicts with friends and myself. 

To summarize what I did in 2014,

I met a lot of new faces; had a lot to laugh about; ran a marathon; became a prefect; celebrated birthday in camp; a lot of last minute studying for exams; got a role in school; started to pick up reading; grew addicted to kvariety shows; conflicts between old friends arose; started to drift apart from them; fell in love; fell out of love; ran another marathon; started to lose weight; joined a youth camp; got offered a gig but I got the dates wrong so I missed out; went through a rough patch for family members; things are getting better; phone crashed; this post and end.

I matured a lot, I learned a lot, gained a lot and let go of a lot too.

I've decided on my goals for 2015. It might seem very cheesy but realistically it's not something everyone can achieve.

I've decided to try to do things that makes myself happy; drop some weight; make better choices; learn to choose between what I want now and what I want in the future; read more; study harder; play harder; try to put myself in one's shoes; just throwback and not stress over the little things; smile more; laugh more; blog more and just go with the flow. ;)

I really hope that 2015 goes well. Let's open our eyes and follow our hearts. Set sail and go wherever the wind may take us. Youth may be sipping through our knuckles but it's never too late to start again.

Happy New Year.

Love, C