Edge of Seventeen

I watched Edge of Seventeen and it's so good! I cried so hard, it wasn't even that sad but I did anyway. It took me back to a lot of places emotionally, because I've struggled with friends and boys before (I mean, come on, we all have) and it was kind of similar to my case (just a whole lot different) and it's just really relatable for me. 

I'm not good at writing summaries/synopsises so go watch it I promise it's good. 

In the movie Nadine (Hailee Steinfeld) says she's an old soul, and that people her age have nothing in common with her (she's 17 btw). I feel the same way too, I have trouble finding people that I can truly bond with. I'm weird, I say random things, I have a weird sense of humour and people find me...weird. 

Also, Nadine says that some deranged part of her keeps thinking that she's the only one with real problems and that she realises she's not. As much as I hate to admit, yes we all have our own demons to face and like it or not, we're not the only ones who have problems. I've seen people comparing who's had it the worst and that's just not right. There's no winning in this tragedy game, it's not a race. It's an individual process, and each problem we face shouldn't be looked down on just because someone is 'having it worst' than us. 

Everyone is trying to heal in various different ways and quote from one of my favorite writers, Nikita Gill "healing is not horizontal, and I am allowed to take my time." 

I'm saying this because Nadine has her demons, and she's on her own journey to healing (I sound like a spiritual healing master rn). I love how the movie flows, how she realises that her internal conflict with herself is causing external conflict with the world around her. And she fixes herself, by getting hurt and hurting others in the process, and saying sorry which is one word most of us can't bring ourselves to say.

While Nadine has a huge crush on a guy she thinks is hot (but I think not), she meets Erwin from her history class (yay romance!) who has a crush on her, and later she realises that Erwin is a great guy (it doesn't show that they fall in love and live happily ever after but they better be). 

Be yourself. Do you and the right people will come to you. As cheesy as that sounds, it's the truth. 

We have our own ideal type of guy or girl, or even friend. Oftentimes, those set of 'rules' are built shallowly on the surface. It's mostly based on looks, and maybe a mixture of common good traits like kindness, selflessness and so on. And when that 'ideal' person comes into your life, you start to see their 'flaws' like how they look when they eat, how they laugh, what they laugh at, their background, their culture, their lifestyle, and you start to wonder a bunch and everything doesn't turn out right. See, we don't consider the details (and we never should) and when you think someone is right for you, they often aren't.

My point is, just be yourself. Ditch those 'ideal' set of rules, and just do you. The right person will step into your life, breaking all the rules, but you'll find them better than any other. 

PS: Blake Jenner is hawt. At first he looked familiar and then I realised he was in Glee. He turned out hawwttt. 

Haymitch is also in the movie, as funny as ever! 

Go watch it please. :)))

C.

Langkawi and Koh Lipe

This year started off pretty well, because I got to travel before anything else. I went, for a week, to Langkawi then over to Koh Lipe in Thailand. I was so awestruck by the sparkling blue sea in Langkawi and even more so in Koh Lipe. The waters were magnificent, and it felt magical to be there too.

I travelled with my mum, uncle and two of his friends. His friends were two of the dopest women I have ever met. They are hilarious, and so young at heart. We ended up spending lots of time chasing birds and waterfalls due to their passion for such interests. I’m glad I got to travel with them, it was an honour.   

Langkawi felt like a hidden treasure waiting for me to discover. It sat there below us in the plane, all in its glory and its archipelago of islands sang out to my heart. We touched down, rented a car and off on a country road we went to what would be my first cable car ride ever. The cable car itself, or SkyCab as they call it, wasn’t much of a thrill, but the view was breathtaking.

Far into the horizon you can see little islands sprouting like mushrooms and boats languidly sailing away, and beneath all of them was the shining blue sea. Then the waters grew into hills of green and just like that nature has surprised me once again. We also took a stroll across the Sky Bridge and again it wasn’t any bit thrilling but the view again, the view was spot on.

I really love the roads here, they’re lined with village houses and paddy fields, and the song ‘Take Me Home, Country Roads’ immediately came to mind. Here, the duty free shops are dope. We bought alcohol and chocolates like there was no tomorrow. They sell a lot of Thai food here, but we didn’t get any. To be honest, most of the meals here we just ate instant noodles (It just happened to be that way).

Koh Lipe felt like a small piece of heaven on earth. It was as if the edges of heaven crumbled a little and fell to earth, and Koh Lipe it was formed. I'd come to realise, after a stay of four days, that 'koh' means island, so Koh Lipe means Lipe Island. The place has limited selection of vehicles, most are motorcycles and the taxis are carriages attached to the motorcycles. Walking to get around was a common thing, and walking with minimal clothing on was even more common. Girls wore bikinis everywhere, on the beach, in shops, everywhere and guys, the only shirt they wore was skin (and maybe a little bit of chest hair ahem). My mum, who complains when I wear shorts out at night, even agreed to buy me a bikini and had no problem when I wore it to snorkeling. (Wearing a bikini taught me a whole different level of lessons, but that will be for another day.)

I really enjoyed leisurely walking down the streets with beer in hand (it was cider actually), and dining by the beach with couple bottles of Chang beer (Chang beer is delicious!) watching the westerners (ang mohs as we would say) sun-bathed under the hot glaring sun. I felt so at peace, and when I dug around my mind to find those little worries I constantly think about, I found none. There could not be possibly anything to worry about at that moment, and it felt so nice. After all the stress of college and life, it honestly felt so serene in my mind. 

We signed up for their snorkeling package and off we went on a boat to underwater paradise. It was so much fun jumping off the boat (trust me that part was fun), and watching the marine life under your nose (literally) was beautiful. For a second I wished I lived under the sea. We even went to see the bioluminescent plankton and it wasn't as beautiful as I'd expected but it was still awesome anyway.

One thing I had a problem with was their food. I don't like spicy food, and when you go to Thailand you kinda have no choice. I ended up having lots of barbeque, and that was great UNTIL I GOT FOOD POISONING. You know what's the funny thing? When I googled food poisoning after vomiting for the second time, the first thing google gave me was 'food poisoning in THAILAND'. Well that explains alot! It's apparently a common thing in Thailand. My mum, me and my uncle, all got food poisoning because we ate the barbecue pork sticks and grilled chicken. We wasted one whole day sleeping and feeding the toilet with vomit and diarrhea when we actually planned to shop and do some thai massage because it was our last day there! The end was a bummer, but all in all it was a wonderful trip.

side note (as if the post wasn't long enough): The photos aren't of good quality because I didn't have a camera with me and I took all of them with my phone. (then again why am I explaining this)

Hope ya'll have a great year! 

Make mistakes.

 

This is my motto for the year. To push myself and to not be afraid of making mistakes. I want to try things I've never done before, and it doesn't necessarily need to be about new activities but also taking my emotions to a new level. Exploring new feelings. Breaking down my wall of insecurities brick by brick.

I say this to myself every year, I know that, but every year there's always newer things to try, and newer places to explore. I hope I will always have this spirit, and I hope I'll always find inspiration to rekindle my adventurous soul when it loses its flames.

I'm really afraid to be honest, of what's to come in the future. What if when I join the workforce and never have the time for adventures? What if I become tamed by society and its norms? What if I believe when people tell me to "act my age", whatever that means.

I don't hope to not lose myself, I just hope I can always find myself.

The start of this year I'm doing new things, volunteering for events and meeting people. It's really interesting to watch them open up to you as you open up to them. I think that's the beauty of connection. I can feel myself being more confident, and just being more...okay. I'm being more okay with people.

So I'm going to make mistakes and I'm going to live unapologetically. I'm going to go with what makes me happy. I'm going to step out of that box I built around myself, and I'm going to fly without my bubble.

I'm going on a journey, to find a stronger self.  

A book, a song, and some strong feelings.

 

I've been reading My Heart and other Black Holes and it's such an addictive read. The way two suicidal teenagers fall in love and save each other sparks something in me, and it makes me want their romance albeit going through all that depression again.

See that's the thing about YA romance novels. They make me jealous, I want that kind of luck too. Although I'm pretty sure in this novel the characters wouldn't think that they're lucky, because going through shit never feels lucky. I guess I think that they're lucky because I'm reading the book and seeing a bigger picture, because it's easy to foresee what will happen next, and also it's easy to predict the end of the story. 

I have a sudden urge to visit the UK after listening to Ed Sheeran's new single Castle on the Hill. I've always been a fan of Ed Sheeran, and I've always been a sucker for lyrics that are honest and real and heartfelt. Also, I've always wanted to visit the British countryside, with green pastures and brick pavements and castles and medieval landscapes. 

And to combine all of these in one song. Nothing could've been better. Have you ever listened to a song and you just want it to end quickly because if you kept listening you feel your heart might explode? Every single time I hit replay, as fast as I wish I had stopped. 

Even though I'm always home, never going anywhere, always here, it makes me want to go home. I'm not quite sure how it makes sense too. It makes me want to grow up all over again, and it makes me cherish those who have helped me grow. It makes me miss my parents even though I see them everyday and it makes me miss the friends I've made and lost, and the memories we shared together. 

I miss watching the sunset over the castle on the hill.

C. 

Starting Over

I haven't been blogging in the past year, because there wasn't anything interesting and I guess I lost my passion, but now I miss writing here on this white canvas I treasured so dearly and I want to start blogging again. 

This break took a toll on me, I couldn't pen my thoughts well, nor could I use my words well. I'm starting to get rusty and I really don't like being this way. 

Reading my old posts was fun, it made me feel younger. It took me back to the days, and it made me feel again. Being able to feel is good, and feelings are really important to me.

I want to write again. I want to feel again through my words. I want to start blogging again. I want to document my life, my ups and downs and everything else in between. (cue justin bieber song)

I'm coming back, slowly, baby steps.

This is such a random post, with random sentences and words.

But I'm coming back.

:)