Myself, college and everything in between.

Photo credits: Tumblr

Run the extra mile, keep it slim so they like you. Do they like you?

This line resonates in my chest for quite a while now.

Sometimes I feel so vulnerable, I mean being vulnerable is okay.

It's perfectly fine.

But don't be desperate, never be desperate for something.

You can be hungry, but never too desperate.

There's a difference, dig into it.

Anyway, I know the song sends a powerful positive message to not only women, 

but men also out there.

I just feel like I keep trying, and trying, and failing, and trying again but sometimes I ask myself exactly the same thing. Do they like you?

I know people don't hate me, I mean my friends know who I am and embrace me for that.

If there are haters, my friends will always outshine them.

We all want priority right? I mean who am I kidding, I am at this age.

I can't always be that "over matured" girl.

Sometimes I need to be a little selfish, a little childish and a little sensitive.

Obliviously or otherwise.

Talking about maturity, one day I'll grow up and be like "What?! Gurl you got it all wrong. Welcome to the real world now." 

or maybe not. We'll see. I am excited.

Priority, I know it's not important.

Plus, it's not healthy to want it bad.

It's normal to want it.

And that's the selfish side of me, which is completely normal.

For all of us.

Moving on, college.

College cannot save me, I need to save me.

I keep telling myself this.

It's not like I need help.

I am fine, just need to touch up on some things.

I need to browse through what I've learned and really learn from it.

Make me a better person.

I want to be a better person, meet better people in college.

Not that the people now are not good.

I mean they're the best. 

I'm so scared I won't meet people like them in college.

That's like the only thing I'm scared about.

College doesn't intimidate me, I just need the right people with me.

I guess you can't be too prepared and too cautious for college.

I know it's unpredictable, but it's going to be one hell of a roller-coaster ride.

I'm gonna love it, hopefully.

I just hope that I won't be brainwashed.

I hope I won't change who I am, either on a natural course or forced by circumstances.

I mean, I want to be able to go through a hard day and come out still being me.

It's not hard being me, I've learned to take control of myself.

I need to take control of what controls me.

You can't always be in control.

You will lose yourself once in a while.

But I will choose what to lose myself in, and what not to.

This is something I need to do.

For myself, for my safety also.

Because mom and dad doesn't come in the picture anymore.

We're going to be miles away.

Brother is nearer but also miles away.

At least I have a brother, that calms me a lot.

I don't want to keep being in a box.

I've been in an air bubble for so long, I want to breathe fresh air.

I want to try new things, generate new ideas.

I want to do things I've never done before.

Legal ones of course. lol

I have big dreams, I said that a lot.

My bucket list, wow.

Will I be able to achieve that?

I want to achieve that, that's my goal.

I will take the driving exams next January I think. 

Not in a hurry.

That's a bit of a lie.

Seeing my friends drive, of course I'll play the jealous card.

But transportation was never really my problem.

Rarely.

Why do I want to drive?

I want to like call my bestie and say "Hey get ready I'll pick you up"

And turn into his house 10 minutes later.

Then we'll go have lots of desserts because we LOVE desserts.

I also want to drive to the mart, because sometimes I'm so hungry and mom doesn't

want to drive out even though it's like a minute away.

It's okay. I don't blame her, she's tired. 

We wear the same shoes. #likeaboss

Just different sizes.

I try her size sometimes, too much to handle.

Respect.

So much to look forward to.

All is well.

Stay well.

Love, C.