A Zombie Tale

I am a zombie, made to walk this earth alive (technically, half-alive). I am forced to compress my desire and hunger for human brains. I am told to keep a lot of secrets. Secrets like half the world is populated by zombies (oops now you know). In spite of that, with the help of Dr Brainashinagan - the only doctor/engineer/dishwasher/pole-dancer/bartender/actor and stuntman - developed a new technology in which one zombie can do without brains if zhe gets tanned (or bleached) to a certain skin colour (Yes, there is a machine developed for that). So don't fret, though your neighbor might be a zombie, they ain't comin' for your brains. Relieved? Better now? Well there's one thing you should worry about. You see, zombies need this technology (thanks to Dr. Brainashinagan) because zombies can't survive on brains anymore. Sorry, my bad, I'll rephrase. Because humans don't have brains anymore! I can see all your thoughts jumping into the runaway train while you're holding in your piss. Feel like you've lost a little weight? Maybe it's your brain that's gone. Poof. Evaporated, from all the dirt you've been feeding it. Well look on the bright side people, continue throwing stones at your neighbor and have liquor for dinner because your safety is zombie stamped and guaranteed.  

Procrastination is poison.

I tell myself I'd get it done, in the next hour. The next hour. Again, the next hour. 

I'm addicted to this fruitless routine,

like an alcoholic,

tomorrow will be a better day.

Except that tomorrow never becomes a better day.

Tomorrow is today, yesterday, the week before, everyday.

Tomorrow is the same,

because I do nothing,

and misunderstands it for something.

Tomorrow I will realize today was nothing.

Tomorrow, I will do something, again.

It takes me nowhere.

It's like a road trip simulation. 

Too little time to use, too much time to lose.

An abundance of things to do,

an abundance of things I forced myself to do,

as an excuse.

I do not want the real thing.

I do empty things coated with a myriad of colors,

because reality is grey.

I know it will hurt me someday,

but still I face the other way.

Procrastination is poison.

Faithless

Photo credits: Tumblr

I'm just a lovelorn teenage lass. 

I've lost my touch.

I've forgotten how it feels to do something I love, purely and entirely just something I love. 

I've been boxed in by circumstances lately, and I've been lured to live like them. 

What's fame and fortune? Just a status, a title, dirty dollar bills, rusted changes. 

What's so good to have them? Attention. Power. A life well lived, or is it? 

But we can't not concede, can we. 

It takes too much time trying to influence the world to change, and sure the people who were crazy enough to do so did, but I'd rather save my time. 

Shamelessly speaking. 

After all, time is everything isn't it. 

It is the in and out, the up and down, the past, present and future. People come and go, revolving around what? 

Time.

Time is too precious and too much of a luxury to be wasted on changing the world.

I will just make the best out of this life, and maybe by doing so the world will change.

I want to spent every second I have in this jaded boring world seeking for happiness in the little things. 

Maybe one day I might just become that person I hate, but for now let's just let it be. 

Sometimes I wonder why do I keep track of my life, why do I plan everything out. 

Great scheme of things? How great did they often turn out, right? 

Sometimes we don't need a game plan. 

I'll set sail, but who and where is to become my safe harbor? 

I need love and time. The two things we all can't have. 

Sigh. 

I'm out of faith.

 Take my hand. Someone.

C.

#np: September's Playlist

I fell in love with an album...

Mourning Doves - Mikky Ekko

Growing Pains - D&E (Donghae & Eunhyuk)

Unbreakable - Jamie Scott

Ghost - Jake Miller ft. Nikki Flores

Reflections - MisterWives

Smile - Mikky Ekko

I really love Mikky Ekko's new album, Time. Especially the song Mourning Doves. It's so beautifully written and sung.

Well now trials are finally over! I will blog more throughout the holidays! ;)

Till then.

Love, C. 

Unconditionally loving you.

Photo credits: Tumblr

It has been 17 years since I was brought to life. And she was there, every step of the way.

I was always a rebellious child, but thank God, I rebelled early.

I've said a lot of rude things, and had a lot of morbid thoughts but it was all because I was immature. I didn't understand. I was too young, I mean man, I didn't even know who I was then.

Turned out I was just another wreck myself, trying to put the blame on someone else. Because my parents, they were close. So I clawed them whenever I got clawed.

I believe this happens to every teenager out there, it's just the nature of our emotional growth. But this is just my story, I'm glad I can find an understanding to this.

Mom wasn't exactly a best friend. Neither any of my family members were. We were all very personal-ish. I've never talked about boys with her, never dived deep into my best days and my lowest but that's how my family worked. It was all very natural, very normal, we were happy.

She's like any other mom, puts food on the table. Food you can't get anywhere else, I mean who am I kidding home-cooked meals are amazing. She works too. We were a middle-classed family, but it was nice this way. You know, typical family living in this Malaysian society.

I was so immature, it's so funny when I think about it now. I was exactly the kind of kid I would be sneering at now. I was arrogant, snobbish, and a little too often caught in my own web of lies. I was just a kid.

But at the start of my secondary school years everything changed, not immediately but slowly I started to find myself. And I grew up, after many ups and downs, to be who I am today. I'm so glad that I can look at life in a brighter way at this young age. Most of the people around me are still finding themselves. Most of them don't even know how to love themselves the way they should.

And as I got older, I realized that my mom had it hard. I realized that I wouldn't live a life like that if I was her. And she was going through quite a number of hardships and it really broke my heart. She was fine on the outside, but I could see she was on the verge of breaking down.

I lost my grandmother, she lost her mother, and I guess that was the turning point. That was when I started loving her unconditionally. Because I saw her cry, I saw her break down starkly for a moment but she was quick to pick herself up. That broke me, it was really unbearable I kid you not.

Nothing happened just so you know. We're living a very normal and happy life. I just wanted to put this out there. I'm going to start using present tense right now.

She is more than a mom, she is my mom, mother, mummy, my queen. She's the reason why I wake up every morning. And I tell myself it's fine to have a bad day, because I have her in my life. The most beautiful part of my life is to have her in it.

Having a mom in your life is meh, been there but having her in my life is ethereal. It's still so surreal to see her carry out her daily routines, pick me up after school, bring me to lunch, cook me dinner, be my mom. I mean she could've just left me to survive on my own but she gave me warmth and comfort like no other woman could.

I have friends whose parents just leave them to do things on their own and sometimes I'm like "Your parents do that?" because mine doesn't. My parents really pave the road for me and my brother. I'm grateful, really grateful for that.

I want to say that I love my mom, and dad of course, and brother lol but I love my mom and I promise she's going to be fine. We're all going to be fine, and happy, and healthy and live a wonderful life.

Hugs and kisses. Love is just a four-lettered word, what I have for her is so much more than that.

Love, always. C.