Unconditionally loving you.

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It has been 17 years since I was brought to life. And she was there, every step of the way.

I was always a rebellious child, but thank God, I rebelled early.

I've said a lot of rude things, and had a lot of morbid thoughts but it was all because I was immature. I didn't understand. I was too young, I mean man, I didn't even know who I was then.

Turned out I was just another wreck myself, trying to put the blame on someone else. Because my parents, they were close. So I clawed them whenever I got clawed.

I believe this happens to every teenager out there, it's just the nature of our emotional growth. But this is just my story, I'm glad I can find an understanding to this.

Mom wasn't exactly a best friend. Neither any of my family members were. We were all very personal-ish. I've never talked about boys with her, never dived deep into my best days and my lowest but that's how my family worked. It was all very natural, very normal, we were happy.

She's like any other mom, puts food on the table. Food you can't get anywhere else, I mean who am I kidding home-cooked meals are amazing. She works too. We were a middle-classed family, but it was nice this way. You know, typical family living in this Malaysian society.

I was so immature, it's so funny when I think about it now. I was exactly the kind of kid I would be sneering at now. I was arrogant, snobbish, and a little too often caught in my own web of lies. I was just a kid.

But at the start of my secondary school years everything changed, not immediately but slowly I started to find myself. And I grew up, after many ups and downs, to be who I am today. I'm so glad that I can look at life in a brighter way at this young age. Most of the people around me are still finding themselves. Most of them don't even know how to love themselves the way they should.

And as I got older, I realized that my mom had it hard. I realized that I wouldn't live a life like that if I was her. And she was going through quite a number of hardships and it really broke my heart. She was fine on the outside, but I could see she was on the verge of breaking down.

I lost my grandmother, she lost her mother, and I guess that was the turning point. That was when I started loving her unconditionally. Because I saw her cry, I saw her break down starkly for a moment but she was quick to pick herself up. That broke me, it was really unbearable I kid you not.

Nothing happened just so you know. We're living a very normal and happy life. I just wanted to put this out there. I'm going to start using present tense right now.

She is more than a mom, she is my mom, mother, mummy, my queen. She's the reason why I wake up every morning. And I tell myself it's fine to have a bad day, because I have her in my life. The most beautiful part of my life is to have her in it.

Having a mom in your life is meh, been there but having her in my life is ethereal. It's still so surreal to see her carry out her daily routines, pick me up after school, bring me to lunch, cook me dinner, be my mom. I mean she could've just left me to survive on my own but she gave me warmth and comfort like no other woman could.

I have friends whose parents just leave them to do things on their own and sometimes I'm like "Your parents do that?" because mine doesn't. My parents really pave the road for me and my brother. I'm grateful, really grateful for that.

I want to say that I love my mom, and dad of course, and brother lol but I love my mom and I promise she's going to be fine. We're all going to be fine, and happy, and healthy and live a wonderful life.

Hugs and kisses. Love is just a four-lettered word, what I have for her is so much more than that.

Love, always. C.