A Zombie Tale

I am a zombie, made to walk this earth alive (technically, half-alive). I am forced to compress my desire and hunger for human brains. I am told to keep a lot of secrets. Secrets like half the world is populated by zombies (oops now you know). In spite of that, with the help of Dr Brainashinagan - the only doctor/engineer/dishwasher/pole-dancer/bartender/actor and stuntman - developed a new technology in which one zombie can do without brains if zhe gets tanned (or bleached) to a certain skin colour (Yes, there is a machine developed for that). So don't fret, though your neighbor might be a zombie, they ain't comin' for your brains. Relieved? Better now? Well there's one thing you should worry about. You see, zombies need this technology (thanks to Dr. Brainashinagan) because zombies can't survive on brains anymore. Sorry, my bad, I'll rephrase. Because humans don't have brains anymore! I can see all your thoughts jumping into the runaway train while you're holding in your piss. Feel like you've lost a little weight? Maybe it's your brain that's gone. Poof. Evaporated, from all the dirt you've been feeding it. Well look on the bright side people, continue throwing stones at your neighbor and have liquor for dinner because your safety is zombie stamped and guaranteed.