I've been having really weird dreams lately. Like really really weird ones.
#1. Transgender guy posing for a cover of a magazine, nude.
WHAT IS THIS?!
#2 Crazy leopards going on killing everyone. It's like leopard apocalypse whattttttttttt.
Can I just blog on Dayre? I'm thinking on creating an account for it but I don't think I will update frequently tho.
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A shell. A ghost town. A lost soul. Work-in-progress. Tired. Demotivated. Demotivated to breathe. To live. Wake up, repeat. On a loop. Dead routine. So hectic. Suffocating. Days, days go so slow. Yet not enough. Time is slipping through my knuckles. Slowly, gruellingly, fast. I can't.
Wrote this on one of those days, pfft. My friend said I just contradicted myself on the slowly, gruellingly, fast part. hahahaha
"...how their love for us shines a light on where we don't love ourselves."
I cried, while watching the drama I cried. I cried at everything. At the sad scenes, at my life, at the universe. Everything is just so sad. No it's not the drama, it has nothing to do with it. The drama was just an excuse. It's been some time now, feeling like this, like a shipwreck. I want badly, to melt myself into a puddle and tell the world I'm not okay.
Why is everything so sad? Yes, I write, more often than not, on my lowest days. Just to pen down my thoughts, because it becomes a burden if it's not off my chest. Aside from all the exam stress (which is really really stressful), I'm quite fine actually.
So funny story. I met this guy, and I had this tiny crush on him. And girls being girls, we fantasize about how amazing the guy is and stuff like that so I wrote this tiny piece. But when I got to know him, I'm like mehh this is not what I expected. Don't throw curve balls at me! This should be dedicated to someone else. hahaha i'm so evil.
On signboards. In a cafe. A passerby. A cyclist in the rearview mirror.
I see him everywhere. He's intangible, forever beyond reach.
He mixed the stars, the night sky, the evening breeze, the milky way, the whole galaxy in a bowl and made it into fondant. Then like a cocoon, he wrapped himself up in his work of art.
He's beautiful.
A room where desolated sighs turn into wails, but the people in there are strong.
They have to be.
Always be grateful. Always.
You never know. You can never predict the worst that can happen.
The word itself is so vague and it seems to me that nothing can ever be labelled "worst"
Your "worst" might just be the "best" that has ever happened to someone.
So don't judge, don't grumble.
Be thankful.
Always, always, always, be grateful.
I wrote this when my dear grandma was in the hospital. She has left us, as much as I'd like to deny. But I'm sure she's watching over us, and I know everything will be fine. Because she fought so hard, and nothing that is happening to me right now is harder than what she fought for. Love always.
I have not been able to read any books this year. I have three waiting for me to pick them up but I can't find the time. Not now, everything will happen after that bloody examination.
So excited for graduation. Can't wait to get out!
Be thankful, be grateful.
Love always, C.
