See you when I see you.

If we could go back, I’m sure we’d do different things. Make different decisions. A tad bit more carefully, we’d appreciate the becoming of us. The becoming of who we used to be. At least I will. I hope you will.

We made so many promises, all hidden away under layers and layers of dust. We buried them deep in little conversations we used to have. Late night talks of comfort poured over humor, tears and innocence. Talks, which will one day be dug up from deep beneath and nostalgia will carry us in its arms, shake us, and embrace us, as we fall in its control.

I hated to admit. I denied myself. I denied everyone. I ran away as far as I could in hopes you would come find me. In hopes you would miss me. Through time, when we come to face each other again, and my wounds reopen I’ll mean to ask you “Did you miss me?” I will want to, as my heart aches for your answer, my mouth will open and only whispers will push through.

In my heart you’re always so far away. I can never read what’s on your mind. You’re a code I can never decipher. I want to be the one you open your heart to. I want to. I am afraid, admittedly, of what I will do. I am afraid I will run once again. I am afraid I cannot stay.

Maybe it’s not you. Maybe it’s your life. Your life is my dream to live. Not entirely, but on the outside it seems so. I’m so confused. My mind is lying to me, I just don’t know which is right.

One day, I will let go. I will hear your name and feel nothing. I will look at your pictures and feel a sense of simple joy. The kind of joy when you see a friend. Till the time comes, I will hide you in gaps and corners in my writings. In my conversations, in every story I tell. Till the time comes, you will live through my art.

In every wish I make, we will live a life so great and leave a story to tell each other when you and I come to face again. I will tell you what I felt back when we were young teenagers, and you will tell me the same stories you have told all over again, and I will listen with a different heart and have a different understanding of them.

What I always say, “See you when I see you.”

See you.

C.