In Two Weeks

In two weeks you leave,

on a plane to somewhere my hands too short to reach.

In two weeks, I shall completely let you go.

I shall move on because you are no longer mine for the taking.

You were never mine to own.

In these two weeks I shall mourn,

for my heart is in pain,

but I know it is about to take a new shape.

A stronger one, a liberating one.

I shall spend the best last moments with you,

and cherish it and keep it close to me.

For you are different, you are something.

And after you are gone,

I shall miss you from time to time,

and my heart shall call out to you,

and I shall reminisce the afternoons we spent together.

I shall remember you as someone who came into my life

and taught me things I never thought were possible.

After two weeks, I shall look over to my side,

and hope that you are there,

and know that you are not,

but I shall not feel any pain.

Only longing, that shall fade with time,

only to leave behind great memories,

and that is what I shall always feel 

when I look at the empty seat beside me.

And after all that, I shall wish you the best,

with every ounce of sincerity in me.

So that both of us can live a great life,

to tell each other when we meet,

like no one ever left and time never passed.

In the meantime, I shall keep you closer.

I shall make up for my wrongdoings,

and forgive yours.

I shall let my heart breathe, slowly.

I shall see clearer, 

and know that everything that is happening,

is for the better.

In the end, you'll just be another boy I've loved before.

May 11

I crashed a car.

One day after I got my driving licence.

I freaking crashed a car.

Way to go, Celine, way to go.

I hit the pavement, hard.

It was near evening, sun was setting.

The rays were piercing, I couldn't see.

Everything was a blur.

I was wondering why the other car was going the other way, and next thing I know, bam!

I felt everything falling down on me.

It's like in that flash of a moment you think you're going to die, pictures of horrible car accidents flashing through your mind, but you're not. You're alive. I'm alive. The car was still moving.

I felt helpless, I felt extremely scared and disturbed, I wanted to just cry and be at home.

My friend was calm af, ahaha.

I pulled the car over at the next block.

I came to my senses, the dashboard came out. Damn.

We got a flat tire, and something broke beneath the car. The pavement soon to be a mess of brake fluid.

My friend called her mum, and through her network she got some people to help us.

Everything went by quickly, and I was home safely next.

I'm thankful I'm safe, not even a tad bit injured.

I'm thankful. 

This experience shall make me a better driver, I guess.

Thank God. 

May 08

I've come a point where I'm tired and I don't really care about the fact that my life can coincide with a lot of people. I'm done worrying about how others see me. No more questioning myself if I'm living someone else's life. The people who matter don't mind. In the end, it's still my life. Go big, or go home. 

Fourth Week.

Four weeks in college.

Time never flew so fast before.

Tuesday and I'm already complaining. 

It felt like yesterday,

getting lost in the hallways,

trying out cafeteria food,

taking every overwhelming bit of change in,

and now I'm eased in.

Four weeks in college,

a lot of things are happening.

Apart from quizzes, projects, and assignments all is well.

I hardly have the time to myself.

I hardly have the time to sit back without worrying about the next project,

or the next test, or the next stressful thing that's going to happen.

I guess that's college life.

Four weeks in college.

I've learned to pick my circles.

To keep my guard up, my walls higher.

I've learned that my life shouldn't be an exhibition.

It's not a gallery. 

It's not for anyone to enter.

Not everyone can connect my dots.

Four weeks in college.

I'm transitioning between the lines of old and new.

I've learned that if you want something, go and get it.

Sometimes I refuse to believe,

I refuse to question why I'm here.

What am I doing?

Why? For what?

Deep down I know I can be a part of something bigger.

I believe I am a part of something big.

We all are.

Four weeks in college,

the fifth is on it's way.

There are more weeks to come,

and more to go.

What is prominent and essential will always work out.

At least that's what I believe in.

Always have faith,

Love, C.

Preach.

Never settle for the least. Never settle for just the company, the reassurance, and the safety. 

Never negotiate with your feelings, and take the cheaper. 

What you want, who you are and who you want to become, you know that, then manifest in that. 

If you are happy with who you are, then be you. Just keep being you. 

Never settle for someone who's perfect in your eyes but only your flaws in theirs. 

Never fall for someone who weighs your rights and wrongs. 

Love someone who loves you more than they love themselves, someone who will accept you for who you are. 

Someone who traces your scars, and breathes you in deep like a work of art. 

Never give yourself up, and in to someone who will eventually change you into someone you're not. 

Set your priorities straight, your mind, life and well-being comes first no matter what. 

You are the painter and the art. You are the sculptor and the sculpture. You have every right to choose what you want for yourself, and don't ever let anyone take that away from you. 

People will understand who you are, and those who don't don't really know who you are then. 

Never throw yourself at people. Believe in the "meant-to-be"s. Keep your head up and high. Settle for the best, settle for the "all bites and no barks", settle for pure happiness and joy and love and butterflies. 

Give yourself the best that you can ever provide.