See you when I see you.

If we could go back, I’m sure we’d do different things. Make different decisions. A tad bit more carefully, we’d appreciate the becoming of us. The becoming of who we used to be. At least I will. I hope you will.

We made so many promises, all hidden away under layers and layers of dust. We buried them deep in little conversations we used to have. Late night talks of comfort poured over humor, tears and innocence. Talks, which will one day be dug up from deep beneath and nostalgia will carry us in its arms, shake us, and embrace us, as we fall in its control.

I hated to admit. I denied myself. I denied everyone. I ran away as far as I could in hopes you would come find me. In hopes you would miss me. Through time, when we come to face each other again, and my wounds reopen I’ll mean to ask you “Did you miss me?” I will want to, as my heart aches for your answer, my mouth will open and only whispers will push through.

In my heart you’re always so far away. I can never read what’s on your mind. You’re a code I can never decipher. I want to be the one you open your heart to. I want to. I am afraid, admittedly, of what I will do. I am afraid I will run once again. I am afraid I cannot stay.

Maybe it’s not you. Maybe it’s your life. Your life is my dream to live. Not entirely, but on the outside it seems so. I’m so confused. My mind is lying to me, I just don’t know which is right.

One day, I will let go. I will hear your name and feel nothing. I will look at your pictures and feel a sense of simple joy. The kind of joy when you see a friend. Till the time comes, I will hide you in gaps and corners in my writings. In my conversations, in every story I tell. Till the time comes, you will live through my art.

In every wish I make, we will live a life so great and leave a story to tell each other when you and I come to face again. I will tell you what I felt back when we were young teenagers, and you will tell me the same stories you have told all over again, and I will listen with a different heart and have a different understanding of them.

What I always say, “See you when I see you.”

See you.

C.

Wanderlust

Photo credit: We Heart It

We're trapped in a small city got nowhere to go. 

Where city lights are dim and buildings are just that tall. 

We kept our hopes up high thinking bout' conquering the world.

With young blood running through our veins, we thought anything was possible. 

We dreamt of brick pavements and medieval streets. 

Walking side by side with nothing to worry.

But we're just trapped in a small city.

Too young too be talking about waiting for "we"

We're still scratching our heads wondering,

Whether to choose us, or our dreams.

But it was never up to us to make decisions.

It was never really that easy.

We're just children.

Of people who're introverts to the world. 

Sometimes faith is merely a consolation.

What we need is real actions.

But we're still trapped in a small city.

Talking loud and trying to break free.

Do you want to be beautiful?

Photo credit: thecreatorwritings.wordpress.com

We decide what is pretty, or beautiful. It's entirely up to ourselves.

Nothing can truly define beauty. You and I both know that.

I look inside the mirror and sometimes I don't like the way I look. Especially on mornings, when I wake up. I see my arms and thighs a tad bit larger than yesterday, I see a layer of skin coming out under my chin, I see my face rounder and rounder the more I stare at it. I think a lot of people can relate to this. Truth is, it's all delusions. 

I mean, duhhh society has standards for beauty, but truth is, nobody really cares.

Really. Nobody cares.

I mean sure, if you don't look nice enough, there are always double standards. But again, it doesn't matter. 

Mentality is important, as long as you don't let negative things get to you.

Think about this.

You want to look pretty, but really, will people like you more if you're pretty. Yes, but not really that much at all. Maybe you're thinking "Hmm even just that little boost would be nice." Heh, you're not that shallow. You don't want to be that shallow.

What is pretty anyway? 

And what if you're pretty and people like you because you're pretty? Would you want people to like you just because you're pretty? Hell no. You don't want that.

Truth is, people will like you if you have a great personality. People will also like you if you have skills, or intelligence or just about anything that makes you stand out. People will like you if you have a character that outshines your appearance. Fixing your character, sculpting who you are, and being a better person takes you a longer way than facials and lipstick and a strict diet. 

Don't get me wrong, facials and makeup are fun. Diet for health and weight loss, that's cool. 

I'm talking about obsession over how you look. 

For weight loss, same goes to makeup, as long as you love yourself for how you look under all those clothing and foundation, deep into your bones through your skin and flesh. As long as you still love yourself, nude. 

I'm okay with how I look, but I do have plans to lose weight and tone my body up because it boosts my confidence when I have a great body. But I still don't mind how I look now, well maybe a little to be honest, but people around me don't mind me being a little flabby or having a double chin. They like me for who I am. 

That got me thinking what if they don't like me because I'm not exactly ideal or on par with their standards of beauty.Would I be okay? No. I'd be super depressed. But knowing there are people out there who will like you for who you are, and trust me there are people like that (like almost 80 percent of people considering 20 percent are psychopaths, I mean like real psychopaths, like mental patients) I won't want people to like me just because they like how I look. 

Can you understand what I'm saying? It's so messy. My train of thoughts is always jumbled up so everything I pen down is also jumbled up. No kidding. 

Point is...let me catch a breath...okay, point is, surround yourself with good and positive people. Think positive, have fun, be who you are. There are so many ways you can be with nice people, and there are so many ways of being beautiful. 

People who favour physical beauty more than what's on the inside will also one day love someone who is so much better on the inside than the outside. If not, they'd probably end up with an unhappy love life or marriage or life in general. Not cursing anyone, no offence, just putting up blunt assumptions which are pretty true. 

Do I make sense? I don't know where this is going. This is a shower thought tbt.

POINTS ARE:

5. Personality will always outweigh physical appearance. (on rare occasions the latter will win, but just on rare occasions. It won't matter. Pinky promise. ;) )

4. Don't let the negativity get to you.

3. Surround yourself with positive people.

2. Be true to yourself, be who you are. 

1. You are beautiful, if you put your mind to it.  

How do I know this? Hah! Pretty girls don't know the things that I know. 

Just kidding. I planned this, lol, just wanted to use the line from Magnets - Disclosure ft. Lorde.

#SELFLOVE

Love, C.

Fairytales.

Photo credit: Tumblr

Golden wings fluttered gracefully,

And sparkles of gold on it's skirt.

It bellowed ever so quietly, 

Covered in grime-stained rags, a little girl. 

Hush, my dear you need not fret.

I am just a fairy stuck on this icky spiderweb.

A fairy? Oh my do they exist!

Only if you believe my dear, do you believe?

I do! I do! 

But Alice you would not call me.

Nor the rabbit did I see.

Glass slippers never grazed my feet.

Nor pumpkin a carriage it turned out to be. 

A true heart can see magical things.

Cure this cruel world the evil that it brings. 

Magical things you are sure to see.

Because a heart as true as yours,

can turn the world as fresh as the evening breeze.

#np: January's Playlist

Everytime I see Olly Alexander perform it's so cute and funny. Ahh, makes my day. Years and Years is one great band indeed. Gosh, Olly and Neil Milan are the cutest, hoping they're doing okay now. :(

Happy New Year! Omg, I can't believe it's 2016 already! Just kidding, it's actually pretty tangible.


It's a year of many becomings, and of course a new year to new musical discoveries! Lol, okay that was lame. Seriously though, I'm excited about new music, and rediscovering old ones as much as you and all the music junkies out there.


May these, and all, great tracks kick start your 2016 with a bang!

Bang Bang Bang - Big Bang

Just kidding. hehehe jokes aside.

Adventure Of A Lifetime - Coldplay

Headlights - Robin Schulz ft. Ilsey

Ocean Drive - Duke Dumont

Ease - Troye Sivan ft. Broods

Beautiful Escape - Tom Misch ft. Zak Abel

Stay - Kygo ft. Maty Noyes 

Middle - DJ Snake ft. Bipolar Sunshine

Easy Love - Sigala

A grand 2016 everyone! 

With all the love, C.